Idiocy Spreading Faster Than Coronavirus

Austin –  Public health officials in Texas have confirmed its first 50,000 cases of being a misinformed retard as xenophobic conspiracy theories and tales of false cures continue to spread across social media.

“Becoming a complete moron during an infectious disease outbreak is far more viral than we first thought,” said Dr. Jeanne Smith of Texas Public Health. “Fact resistance is abnormally high especially among the dullard population, and the bottom 5% of your graduating high school class.”

Tens of thousands of people were affected by a novel fake news claim that the Chinese government was developing  at UT Austin Microbiology Lab leaving at least 10,000 people stupider.

Freshman and Sophomores at Baylor University in Waco were reported to being conducting aggressive prayer to include throwing debris at Asian students, anyone known or seen to be coughing or sneezing as well as anyone that appearing to be different than themselves. 

A bizarre cult like group located near Orange Texas reportedly was hailing the end of times as the apocalypse of the 21 century and hailing the arrival of the little green men whom they believe will repopulate the earth after humans demise. 

  Nole Sole reputed speaker and teacher for the cult stated, “It really will be the best thing for the planet which is dying rapidly anyway. I have a journalist in Beaumont who is going to publish the story and warn everyone so they can like, enjoy a last meal or something.”

Sole speculated that if he times it right he can stuff enough ballot boxes in Orange County that he to can at long last actually be an elected Congressional Representative. Which he hopes to do while consuming numerous snickers candy bars and consuming large quantities of grape soda.  Before he too dies off of course.

Patients are usually asymptomatic until they open their mouths, start tweeting or posting on social media.

Aunts spreading rumors about 100% natural cures for the virus on Facebook have been quarantined while racist uncles at dinner tables were ball-gagged as a precaution.

“Our epidemiologists are working hard to identify idiot zero, but there might be more sporadic outbreaks of coronavirus-related imbecility,” added Dr. Smith.

Meanwhile, health officials are dreading teaching the population a complicated prevention technique: washing your hands.

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